Melissa's story

Here is Melissa's survivor story, which is one of the first to be published here at You, Me and PTSD.

At age 8-12 I was raped and molested along with my cousin (age5-9) by our aunt’s husband (at the time.) He told us if we told he would kill us, chop us up, throw us away and tell our family we ran away. Finally when I was 12 I told my sister. We were so scared. We went through court and all. He got 18 months all but 6 suspended.  2 years of probation. Life time sex offender. That was all. For ruining who we were. Giving us a life sentence. I grew up thinking I had to have sex with guys to like me. So I did. Not proud at all. 

I had my first son at age 19. When he was 5 he was molested by his dad's uncle who had down syndrome. DHHS did nothing because they had issues. So they told my son's dad he wasn't allowed to bring his son by the uncles. The next visit with his dad my son comes home with over 21 bruises. From his dad. He had a huge egg on his head. I brought him to doctors. We were there all day. His dad claimed they were wrestling. But the Doctor, said no way was that from that. DHHS meet with us and his dad. They closed the case saying it was just for fun. Wtf. I stopped visits. His dad took me to court. I paid a fine go contempt. My son developed pressure of the brain, memory issues, epilepsy (over 40 seizures) PTSD, etc.  At age 13 my Don told judge he didn't wanted see his dad. And didn't see him until he was 17 twice. Then his dad no longer wanted to see him.  At age 15 my son finally told me why he didn't want to see him. His dad beat him that day. Telling him never to lie saying someone molested him when they didn’t. The dr. Had confirmed at age 5 he was molested. His dad then molested him telling him this is what it feels like to be molested. Don't forget it. He never told me til then. I was lost. Him and his gf had written suicide letters at school at age 15 and went to the bridge in my town to die. Thank God the teacher found them. :( we got them safe. My son cried and asked to go to get help. So I put him in a program for 2 weeks. He lived there. And was doing great. Then a year later age 16. He tried to committee suicide again. He could deal with seizure anymore. The headaches. The pain inside. This time I put him in the hospital Acadia. Psych ward for kids. He didn't want to go. It killed me. He would be there for Christmas. But I had to help him. Since then I think he hates me. He hardly talks to me. But it's okay. I saved him from death. Some days he opens up to me lately. Little at a time. 

I had a daughter in 2005. Her dad was great until he started drugs. Which then he started abusing me. Tried pushing me down the stairs. But I stayed. I thought I deserved it. I got pregnant gain 2007. My daughter was 20 months. There dad went to jail for drugs. Was there until 2011. While he was there he was angry sent people to my house, threatening letters to me. Police said he is in prison nothing he can do. People broke into my apartment.  Still police did nothing. I got a protection from abuse order. The judge was so mad the police let me down. He got out of prison in April  2011 saw his kids in September. One visit a month for 7 months. He wasn't ready to be a dad. So he moved to Georgia. Until 2013. Came back saw them maybe 20 times that year. Moved away again. Came back 2015. Been her ever since. Sees them when it's convenient.  Expects kids to respect him. And have a bond. There 9 and 12. He has hardly been there. My boy hasn't seen him alot. He chooses not to go on visits 90% of the time. My daughter has autism, plus many other dx. She has issues from the way he was, abandoning them, ect. 

At age 24 I was a nanny. I went out one night with the couple for a break. We had a drink. But I felt sick as heck after one. It wasn't normal. I got in the car passed out. Woke up in a hotel room. His wife was passed out still. He raped me over and over. Then brought me home like nothing happened. Went to dr. Had rape kit. He got away with it. He moved away after court. I was sickened. I hated men. 

Then I met a good guy in 2014 so I thought. He was amazing for two years. Then he lost his job. And was pissed he had to work. Cause I couldn't afford everything. He started abusing me. Pushed me downstairs, kicked me, threw shit at me. Told me I was a slut and no wonder everything I went through happened. One day I had enough. My b-day 2015. We went to dinner his treat so I thought. We eat. He says darn I forgot my wallet. So we talk a bit. He tells me he has to confess something. He tells me he had hit my kids. I was furious. I got up and paid and left his ass there. Went home. Got the kids went to the neighbors. He got home. And went next door. Found me grabbed me in front of them. Threw my phone. And called me a cunt. My friend called police. He ran and hid. I left to go to my mom’s. And police called me. I told them he was back at my friends who kept him there when he came back so police could get him. They needed me to go back while they arrested him. I was like wtf. Why? I went back. And they took him. He admitted everything he ever did to me. We had court. I agreed 1 year probation. And DV course for a year. I knew he was a great dad to his kids, and was a great guy. He had said he was doing pills and spice which made him angry. Now he got help and his mom said he said to tell me. Thank you. I helped him by allowing him to get help over jail. I did it for his kids not him. I knew what my kids went through with their dad in prison. It sucks. 

Now I have a great bf. He treats me amazing. We don't fight. Little disagreements yes. Lol but its okay. MY kids all absolutely love him. And they don't like guys easy. Lol so I know if they approve. Then it's a plus.  I have days I don’t even want to get out of bed, days that are filled with happiness and days that’s seem like the stress has melted away. It has become a balancing act, but with a supportive spouse and family I have begun to live my life to the fullest while continuing to manage my PTSD trying to not let it run my life any longer.

* Note: Melissa was officially diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) once she started counseling at 18 years old. She has used talk therapy along with anti-anxiety medication to aid in her healing.