My Speech to Congress
I am currently sitting at the airport waiting for my flight to Washington D.C where in just a couple days I will be speaking to Congress about maternal mental health initiatives and budget. If you follow my blog you may have read my entry about my experience with PTSD amplified by Post Partum Depression. I will be sharing my personal story with a room full of strangers. I wish I could say I am not the least bit nervous, that I am not worried that my voice will shake or that I will have to fight back tears as I recount several moments in my life that I wish didn't happen the way that they did. Anxiety aside, I know that this will be a pivotal point in my life I will remember. A moment I will reminisce as empowering. Lately I have been using many platforms to share my story publicly and spread awareness of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, but this week I will stand emotionally naked in front of a crowd as I divulge some of the worse points of my life. I hope that exposing my vulnerablity will show strength.
Please see my speech below
Please see my speech below
"Good
morning,
My name
is Ashley Aldous Pangborn. When I was 19 years old, I was locked in a room at a
party and raped by a stranger. Surviving a sexual assault, which one out of
four women in the United States endure at some point in their life, later led
me to be given a diagnosis of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. About 4 years
after the rape occurred, I was in a completely different place in my life and
happily married to the man of my dreams, wholly believing that I had left that
horrific event in my past. After I gave birth to our son, I struggled when
breastfeeding didn’t come naturally to me, an issue that ultimately took an
unexpectedly profound toll on my physical and mental health. My son was hungry,
and I felt like I couldn’t provide for him. My mind unwillingly made
connections from the pulsing pain I felt from my second degree tearing and
episiotomy sutures I received after giving birth, to the physical pain I
experienced after the rape.
My
already disrupted sleeping patterns from breastfeeding a newborn were riddled
with nightmares and flashbacks, my body sore from the involuntary convulsions
experienced during these episodes. Bruises formed on my legs and arms, my
stomach was in knots, and I was completely and totally exhausted in every way.
It felt like all personal progress I had made over the past few years
evaporated when my son was born. In my heart, I knew I loved him with every
fiber of my being, but a small part of me resented him for the acute relapse in
trauma I was experiencing. Although I was surrounded by supportive friends and
family, I still found myself reverting back to old, unhealthy coping
mechanisms. I spent many nights silently crying next to my husband in
order not to wake him. During the day, I would lock myself in our bedroom or my
office and sob, not understanding what was happening to me. I was angry,
resentful, sad, hopeless, weak, shameful, anxious and conflicted. I knew how I
should be feeling in this supposedly joyful time of my life, but that was not
what I was actively experiencing. I felt like a failure. I did not know what was
wrong with me, and I did not know who to talk to about it. It wasn’t until
several months after the birth of my son that I first heard about postpartum
depression. Little did I know that by having a preexisting diagnosis of PTSD, I
was at a very high risk for postpartum mental health complications, a major
red-flag issue in my medical history that had disturbingly never been addressed
by a medical professional.
After recovering
from Postpartum depression and anxiety, my husband and I still felt our family
wasn’t complete. We experienced secondary infertility while trying to conceive
our second child, a draining process that included two devastating
miscarriages. Once again, no medical professional at the hospital or my OB
office informed me I was at a high risk for postpartum depression after these
miscarriages. Finally, almost four years after having my son, I gave birth to
our beautiful daughter. While the reaction wasn’t immediate as it had been after
my first pregnancy, I eventually found myself once again becoming consumed by
uncontrollable postpartum anxiety and depression that further triggered my
underlying PTSD. It was just another time I had placed my faith in the medical
professionals responsible for reviewing my medical history to provide me with
appropriate comprehensive care, and the system failed me.
Despite
living in one of the most medically progressive countries in the world, many
mothers in our nation are still financially unable to seek out and receive the help
they so desperately need, and are often unaware that there is even professional
help available to them for a very treatable condition such as postpartum
depression. Many young parents including myself are financially unable to take
the appropriate amount of time away from work to address their physical and
mental health needs after pregnancy and giving birth, a risk factor that
dramatically increases a woman’s susceptibility to suffering from postpartum
depression. Where I live in southwest Florida, young parents such as my husband
and myself are dramatically outnumbered by retired, part-time residents,
leaving our community with a significant shortage of available resources
directed at young people experiencing common conditions such as postpartum
depression. In addition, my insurance does not cover mental health counseling
at any location close to where I live; the closest available counselor who will
accept my insurance is a 3 hour drive away. As a full time working professional
and as a mother, this is not a viable treatment option for me. Even with
insurance coverage, many families still cannot afford the absurdly high
out-of-pocket cost of professional mental health counseling.
While the
medical community in the United States continually endeavors to improve women’s
physical health during and after pregnancy, it is imperative to also take
appropriate actions to acknowledge and manage common mental health issues
affecting young mothers in our country. Every day, mothers in the United States
strive and struggle to raise our future generations against a plethora of
avoidable challenges designed to make this process so much more difficult than
it needs to be. We owe it to them, and to ourselves, to provide them with every
possible resource to help them succeed, and give families and individuals the
opportunity to thrive in our nation starting at birth.
I currently run a blog entitled You, Me and PTSD, which can be found online at http://www.youmeandptsd.com/. This blog further details my experience as a survivor of rape and PTSD, two horrifyingly common issues affecting young women in the United States. I have made it my personal mission to educate the public about my direct experience with these issues, and to support and guide fellow women and men through what will be one of the most trying times of their lives. I hope that, as our legislators and guardians of our rights as American citizens that you will choose to do the same.
Thank you."
I currently run a blog entitled You, Me and PTSD, which can be found online at http://www.youmeandptsd.com/. This blog further details my experience as a survivor of rape and PTSD, two horrifyingly common issues affecting young women in the United States. I have made it my personal mission to educate the public about my direct experience with these issues, and to support and guide fellow women and men through what will be one of the most trying times of their lives. I hope that, as our legislators and guardians of our rights as American citizens that you will choose to do the same.
Thank you."
I suffer from ptsd from the military. It was so hard to get medical care for this. Thank you for writing this post and standing up for what you believe in. You are not only helping mothers but veterans like myself.
ReplyDeleteThis is amazing. I lost my sister to suicide associated to PPD. She too had a mental health issue prior to becoming pregnant, yet she was never given the facts on PPD. I miss her everyday, my nephew will turn 3 this summer and he'll never know how wonderful his mother was. I run a blog about mental health issues and suicide prevention. Can i ask you, how did you get the opportunity to speak to Congress? Thank you for speaking out about these very important issues.
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