I woke up thinking about you today...

I MISS YOU



I woke up thinking about you today. Although much time has past I can still picture you so clearly. I miss the way your eyes used to light up with the prospect of adventure. I miss the way you always seemed so sure of yourself. Your confidence unwavering and untouched. I will never see you again in anything other than mementos of my life before.

One day you were just missing, with no clues left behind on whether or not we would ever meet again. You always tried to see the good in people and that's a little part of you I try to keep with me, but its hard sometimes. The loss of you forever changed me. I look back at all the beautiful moments I logged in my memories. I knew one day we might go our our separate ways but I always assumed it would be me, who outgrew you, prompting a slow drift, but that isn't what happened. You fought for me to keep going. You thought you were giving me the opportunity to move on, but you didn't know how hard it would be to rebuild without you. Nothing made sense anymore. Sleep evaded me, or maybe it was too hard to relearn how to fall asleep broken.

I started to hate you. You were too naive and too weak to keep us going. You didn't think things through enough. Your confidence created a false sense of security building me up just to be torn down. Your body began to disgust me, I started to lose my understanding of why I ever was proud to call it mine, it was weak.  Your need to see the good in people was the downfall of us. You were too trusting until it was too late. Your family and friends didn't know who I was. They wanted you.  You left them with questions I couldn't answer.

As time has gone on I've learned to look back on my memories of you with empathy. It was hard at first, but I know you didn't mean to leave me to pick up the pieces. You fought and you sacrificed yourself for me. As much as I've battled with this reality I have realized I am grateful for you. That monster took you, you didn't just abandon me to fen for myself.  You weren't weak, you were dismantled. You didn't want to leave me but you had to. So in honor of your memory, I choose to allow myself to miss you, but also try to regain a little part of you back.

I think you would be proud of me. I think you would be proud of US. Cause this is a letter from me to my past self. I never needed to forgive you, there was nothing to forgive. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to build the life I have now.

Sincerely you,

Ashley





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